Keep contact regular and predictable
Frequent visits and calls at consistent times give your loved one a stable reference point in their new routine. Research by the British Geriatrics Society shows that predictable family contact significantly reduces anxiety levels in older adults in residential care. Knowing that family comes on Sunday or that a daughter calls on Wednesday doesn't just brighten those particular days — it gives meaning to the days in between, because there's always something to look forward to.
Agree on a video call every Tuesday and Thursday at eleven in the morning. The anticipation of that moment can brighten the whole day. If you ever can't make it, let them know beforehand and suggest an alternative — a broken expectation without explanation causes real distress.
Personalise their space with meaningful objects
A care home room can feel impersonal at first, which makes emotional adjustment harder. Studies in environmental psychogerontology have shown that surrounding oneself with personal objects reduces the stress of a change of setting and reinforces identity in older adults. Bringing family photos, a familiar blanket, a small plant, or a cherished object transforms the space into something that truly feels theirs.
Put a recent photo of the grandchildren on the bedside table, hang the wall clock they've always had at home, and bring the bedspread from their old bed. Those small details have a powerful emotional effect — each time they glance at them, they're reminded of who they are and where they come from.
Encourage participation in the home's activities
Most care homes offer workshops, group exercise, board games, and celebrations. Social participation within the home is one of the factors that most influences an older person's quality of life, according to the World Health Organisation. These activities nurture social connections, stimulate the mind, and help build a new sense of community. It may feel daunting at first — joining them for the first few sessions, if possible, makes the transition much smoother.
Find out what activities are on offer and choose one that suits their interests. If they've always loved music, the singing group could be a wonderful starting point. If they're hesitant to go alone, ask staff to accompany them the first few times until they feel at ease.
Talk to the staff and advocate for your loved one
Care home staff look after many people at once, and it's inevitable that they won't know every nuance of each individual. Building a good relationship with them, sharing your loved one's preferences and needs — what they enjoy, what makes them uncomfortable, how they like to be addressed — makes a real difference to the quality of care. Don't hesitate to ask questions, offer suggestions, or raise concerns with respect: staff value families who engage constructively.
On your next visit, take a few minutes to chat with the care assistant on duty about how your relative has been getting on. If you discover they dislike a particular aspect of the routine, raise it kindly — often, simply communicating it is enough for adjustments to be made.
Support their autonomy within the home
Living in a care home doesn't mean giving up the right to make choices. Research on ageing shows that preserving the capacity to choose in everyday life is directly linked to greater life satisfaction and lower rates of depression among older adults in residential care. Choosing what to wear, requesting a preferred meal, deciding when to rest, or picking who to sit with at lunch are everyday acts that preserve dignity and a sense of control.
If the home allows flexible shower times, find out and make sure your relative's preferred time is respected. If there's a choice of menus, go through them together during a visit so they know they have options and that their opinion matters.
Provide a personal, private connection beyond visits
Group conversations or those held in the presence of staff don't always allow the kind of intimacy a senior needs to talk about how they truly feel. Many older people in care homes hold back their worries to avoid burdening family, or because they simply can't find the right setting. Ensuring there are moments of calm, private conversation — with a family member, a friend, or a phone companionship service — meets a deep emotional need that the care home alone can rarely fulfil.
Hermet offers regular one-to-one phone conversations where your loved one can talk freely, at their own pace, without feeling watched or judged. It's a space of their own where they can express what they don't say in front of staff or other residents, with complete trust.
Acknowledge the emotional adjustment to the new setting
In the first months, sadness, irritability, or intense homesickness are all normal. Grieving the old home is real and deserves proper attention — research from University College London indicates that up to 40 per cent of older adults experience depressive symptoms in the first three months following admission to a care home. Recognising these feelings without dismissing them, talking about them openly, and seeking professional support if low mood persists are all important steps towards a.
If you notice your loved one has been persistently low in spirits for several weeks, has stopped joining activities they used to enjoy, or seems more irritable than usual, speak to the home's doctor about a mental health assessment. Don't wait for it to resolve on its own.
Involve the whole family in staying connected
The responsibility of supporting a senior in a care home often falls on one person, typically a daughter or son. Sharing the load among several family members doesn't just ease the burden on the primary carer — it enriches the older person's social life through visits and calls from different people. A shared calendar for visits and calls prevents weeks without contact and others with too much, and ensures a steady presence without overwhelming anyone.
Set up a shared calendar among siblings, nieces, nephews and grandchildren, with each person signing up for a visiting or calling slot. If grandchildren live far away, a fortnightly video call can be enough to maintain the bond. What matters is that the senior feels the whole family still cares.
Review the quality of care regularly
Trusting the care home doesn't mean stepping back entirely. Periodically assessing the quality of care your relative receives — hygiene, nutrition, how staff treat them, cognitive stimulation — is a family responsibility that complements the home's work. It isn't about distrust; it's about active, constructive oversight. Families who maintain an open dialogue with the home's management help improve care not only for their own relative but for everyone living there.
Every two or three months, request a meeting with the management or care team to review how your relative is doing. Ask about their nutrition, participation in activities, mood, and any incidents. Take notes and compare them with previous ones to spot trends.
Remember that the care home is their home, not a hospital
A common mistake is treating the care home as a medical facility where the senior merely receives treatment. But it is their home, and as such it should be a place where they can live with dignity, enjoy small pleasures, and feel part of a community. Shifting the perspective — from patient to person living in a new place — helps both the senior and the family relate to the home in a healthier, more constructive way. The aim isn't just that they're looked after, but that they are genuinely well.
Rather than focusing every visit on medication and check-ups, also make time for what makes them happy: bring their favourite pudding, look through photos on your phone together, chat about the news, or simply sit and talk without rushing. Those moments are what truly nourish the bond.