Set up regular video calls at a fixed time
Regular video calls help maintain the emotional bond and allow you to see your loved one's mood and surroundings. Research from the University of Michigan has shown that video calls reduce feelings of loneliness in older adults more effectively than voice calls, because visual contact activates the same neural pathways as physical presence. Agreeing on a fixed schedule turns the call into an anticipated ritual that structures your relative's day and puts the family's mind at ease.
Arrange a video call every morning at ten, even if it's only fifteen minutes. Consistency matters more than length. If one day you can't make it, let them know in advance so they're not left waiting — that call may well be the most important moment of their day.
Build a local support network
Identifying trustworthy people near your elderly relative — neighbours, friends, local shopkeepers — is essential when family cannot be present. According to a report by the Joseph Rowntree Foundation, informal networks of proximity are the resource that most quickly detects changes in an older person's condition, ahead even of formal social services. This network can alert you to any difficulties and gives your loved one the reassurance that, even though family is far away, they are not alone.
Talk to a neighbour on the same floor or the trusted pharmacist and ask them to let you know if they notice anything unusual. Leave your phone number and that of another family member. That connection could make all the difference in the event of a fall, a prolonged change in mood, or a worrying.
Ensure daily companionship beyond family calls
Family calls cannot always be frequent or long, particularly when there's a time difference or busy schedules to contend with. Having access to a daily telephone companionship service ensures your relative has someone to talk to every day — someone who listens, gently reminds them about medication, or simply shares a pleasant conversation. Research on loneliness in older adults shows that the quality and regularity of daily contact matter more than occasional visits.
Hermet provides daily personalised conversations tailored to each person's interests and personality. Your relative has someone who rings them at their preferred time every day, knows what they enjoy talking about, and treats them with the warmth of someone who genuinely cares.
Coordinate care from a distance
When you live far away, it's essential to centralise information about your relative: doctors, medication, appointments, emergency contacts, insurance. A shared document accessible to all family members avoids misunderstandings, reduces the anxiety of not knowing, and ensures someone is always up to date. Poor coordination among long-distance carers is one of the leading sources of family stress, according to research by the Carers Trust.
Create a shared document on your phone with your relative's GP details, regular medication, allergies, emergency contacts, and upcoming appointment dates. Share it with every family member involved and update it after each medical visit.
Manage guilt and worry with a realistic mindset
Feeling guilty for not being physically close is a very common reaction among children and family members who live far away — surveys suggest that over 60 per cent of long-distance carers experience recurring guilt. Acknowledging that feeling without letting it become paralysing is key. Focusing on what you can do — calling regularly, coordinating support, visiting when possible — helps transform worry into constructive action.
If guilt becomes overwhelming, talk to someone you trust or look for support groups for long-distance carers. You are not alone in this situation — there are thousands of families in the same position, and sharing the experience brings relief and practical ideas you might not have considered.
Plan regular visits and make the most of them
In-person visits are invaluable and cannot be replaced by technology. Beyond the shared time, they are an opportunity to check the state of the home, speak with doctors, strengthen ties with the local support network, and spot needs that are not always apparent over the phone — weight loss, neglected hygiene, changes in mood, or mobility difficulties. Planning visits in advance allows you to schedule important appointments and errands during your stay.
During each visit, set aside time to check the house, accompany your relative to a medical appointment, thank the people around them who help out, and spend unhurried quality time together. Make a list before you go so you don't forget anything important.
Help your relative maintain their own social life
One risk when family lives far away is that the older person centres their entire emotional world around those calls and visits, leaving them with no social activity the rest of the time. Encouraging them to take part in local activities — a community centre, a place of worship, a walking group with neighbours — is vital for their wellbeing. The World Health Organisation notes that active social participation reduces the risk of cognitive decline in older adults by up to 30 per cent.
Research what activities the local community centre offers and encourage your relative to sign up for one. If they feel reluctant to go alone, ask a neighbour or friend to accompany them the first few times. Once they've built their own friendships there, they'll look forward to going by themselves.
Learn to spot subtle changes from a distance
From afar, it's harder to detect warning signs that would be obvious in person: a flatter tone of voice, repeating the same stories frequently, mixing up dates, stopping going out, or neglecting personal appearance. These gradual changes can point to physical or emotional health problems that need attention. Training your ear to pick up nuances in phone conversations and asking gentle but detailed questions is a skill that long-distance carers need to develop.
If you notice your mother asking the same questions on every call, sounding flatter than usual, or no longer mentioning her daily walks, don't brush it off. Ring someone in her local support network to check, and if the pattern continues, arrange a visit or a medical consultation.
Look after your own wellbeing as a long-distance carer
Caring for an older person from a distance is emotionally draining: the constant worry, the frustration of not being able to act immediately, and the juggling of multiple responsibilities all take their toll. Research on family carers shows that the stress experienced by long-distance carers is comparable to that of those providing hands-on care, yet it's often minimised because it doesn't involve physical tasks.
Set aside time in your week that isn't devoted to managing your relative's care. If anxiety about their wellbeing is keeping you from resting, speak to a professional. An exhausted carer cannot care well, and you deserve attention and rest too.